i think my tv is drunk
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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