apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
