he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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