I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
