Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
