good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
