if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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