He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I understand Curling. That high.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
