Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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