i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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