is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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