I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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