I think I just saw someone hide a body.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
