it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
