my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
