yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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