To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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