I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
