I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
