I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
