All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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