To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
