i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
