I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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