could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
