I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
