The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
