You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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