This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
