You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
