I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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