I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
