he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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