I want to walk on stilts...naked
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
