Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
