You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
