No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
