Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
