At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
