I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
