Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
