Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I understand Curling. That high.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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