ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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