He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
