just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
