I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
