I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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