I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Less talking, more tequila
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
