Don't make out with my wife yet
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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