is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
