DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
