Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
